Charles Flintrock
From Plastic Tub
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| ''He comes in trailing the sound of a backslap. The sky parts with a hearty guffaw -- he is numbered six. He has mustard on his chin. Thus marked, he is given explosions of frankincense.'' | ''He comes in trailing the sound of a backslap. The sky parts with a hearty guffaw -- he is numbered six. He has mustard on his chin. Thus marked, he is given explosions of frankincense.'' | ||
| - | [[Charles Flintrock]] was a respected pig breeder from York, PA. His great past-time was going to the York Fair Horse races where he would gamble with his friends [[Jeremiah Belier|Jeremia]] and [[Junior Belier]] (the two brothers caught fornicating with the sheep). | + | Charles Flintrock was a respected [[pig]] breeder from York, PA. His great past-time was going to the York Fair Horse races where he would gamble with his friends [[Jeremiah Belier|Jeremia]] and [[Junior Belier]] (the two brothers caught fornicating with the sheep). |
| - | The gambling turned into a regular event and Charles became the talk of town when he bet at the famous York Million in 1935, the yearly race of 3 yr. old studs ("No geldings please!" was the cry). Though money was short (word was that Flintrock had only one runt left) Flintrock came to the track with a pocket full of gold. Rumors quickly circulaited about his troubled Irish past (a bank robber? a potatoe monarch? nobody was certain) but faded when he went to the teller with 5 gold nuggets - on 1150-1 longshot [[Black Gamcock]] to win! | + | The gambling turned into a regular event and Charles became the talk of town when he bet at the famous York Million in 1935, the yearly race of 3 yr. old studs ("No geldings please!" was the cry). Though money was short (word was that Flintrock had only one runt left), Flintrock came to the track with a pocket full of gold. Rumors quickly circulated about his troubled Irish past (a bank robber? a potato monarch? nobody was certain) but faded when he went to the teller with 5 gold nuggets -- on 1150-1 longshot [[Black Gamcock]] to win! |
| - | We all know the rest - his victory propelled him to mayor. But his reputation as a drunken father never left him and the poor Irish community never got out of the sty in York, so they say. | + | We all know the rest -- his victory propelled him to mayor. But his reputation as a drunken father never left him and the poor Irish community never got out of the sty in York, so they say. |
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| ''As a youngster,'' Charles owned a hamster he named "Plumper", who could balance on the tip of a pencil. | ''As a youngster,'' Charles owned a hamster he named "Plumper", who could balance on the tip of a pencil. | ||
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| + | [[Nevid Kessar]] was a big fan, later settling down to the farm himself. | ||
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| + | Flintrock made a footnote in [[Andy Rooney]]'s ''Of Pigs and Men'' (a.k.a., the ''[[Pig Bible]]''). | ||
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Revision as of 03:37, 3 Jan 2006
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He comes in trailing the sound of a backslap. The sky parts with a hearty guffaw -- he is numbered six. He has mustard on his chin. Thus marked, he is given explosions of frankincense. Charles Flintrock was a respected pig breeder from York, PA. His great past-time was going to the York Fair Horse races where he would gamble with his friends Jeremia and Junior Belier (the two brothers caught fornicating with the sheep). The gambling turned into a regular event and Charles became the talk of town when he bet at the famous York Million in 1935, the yearly race of 3 yr. old studs ("No geldings please!" was the cry). Though money was short (word was that Flintrock had only one runt left), Flintrock came to the track with a pocket full of gold. Rumors quickly circulated about his troubled Irish past (a bank robber? a potato monarch? nobody was certain) but faded when he went to the teller with 5 gold nuggets -- on 1150-1 longshot Black Gamcock to win! We all know the rest -- his victory propelled him to mayor. But his reputation as a drunken father never left him and the poor Irish community never got out of the sty in York, so they say. |
DesiderataAs a youngster, Charles owned a hamster he named "Plumper", who could balance on the tip of a pencil. Nevid Kessar was a big fan, later settling down to the farm himself. Flintrock made a footnote in Andy Rooney's Of Pigs and Men (a.k.a., the Pig Bible).
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