Senator Locust B. Burley

From Plastic Tub

b. 1720 in Shit Creek, VT d. 1803 in Burlington, VT.

A vociferous opponent of A.W. Slippers and his theories, Senator Burley was also known for his fine collection of velvet breeches. An ardent Freemason, he frequented Rosicrucian salons and wrote several volumes of incantations and invocations. In addition to a splendid singing voice with which he imparted to songs a highly distinctive style, being as he was relatively unencumbered in song by the thick lisp which bedevilled his oratory, Burley could outbox a man half his age at forty and twice his age at fifty. His last words were recorded by his manservant, and then promptly burned. It is rumoured he confessed to a weakness for ladies' knickers.

Burley was at turns Whiggish, priggish, prudish and perverse. He had a secret cache of French engravings and is known to have sired at least six illegitimate children with a variety of maids. One young lass he despoiled went on to become famous as the first woman to shoot in the "Ornery Coots Rifle Roundup" in Manowaria, Illinois in 1832. Her name was Annie Pustle, and is the great-grandmother of William Flintrock.

Burley served three terms as a distinguished Senator, during which time he displayed in keen interest in cartography and maritime exploration. He is said to have had some kind of vendetta against Guvernor Morris and various New York families.

Burley was ritually burned and his ashes placed in a jar which was buried at his family estate in Burleyville, Vermont, on the Canadian border.

Burley was a man's man. And a woman's man.
Burley was a man's man. And a woman's man.