Tub Book: Glossary F - H

From Plastic Tub


face n 1. A collection of sensory organs mounted on the frontal surface of the head of more-or-less complex biological entities. 2. The surface which presents itself (The face of the cliff; the bald face truth.) 3. A communicative device somewhat awkwardly utilized by blind men. 4. Home of the mustache.

Non Canonical Text

"The face is the primary mode of expression for humans, chimps, and crickets. Hands are a close second for all three species." -- Clementine, Dapper. A Nature Lover's Guide to Loving in Nature. University of Minnesota Press, Minneapolis. 1971.

"Face it; we're finished." -- Marvin Rex Rittenhouse, from the last column of The Backyard Fence, perhaps alluding to a rumored blackmail scheme by Patter O'Donnely.

See Also

  • Ears
  • Eyes
  • Mouth
  • Nose

Fallen stone

Fallen Stone(s) sahu. 1. Occult mirror through which the powers of man are distracted.


"The meteorite has always exerted a powerful influence over the imagination. What child, nay, what adult, has not marvelled under those graceful arcs of fire, so transient, so tantalizing, that are shooting stars? Is it any wonder that with our contemporary sense of the marvellous, the ancients took the shooting star for something even greater? A stone from the roof of the sky, perhaps even a piece of heaven itself?" --Elysius Dubord, The Origins of Mormo Worship in Chaldean Mythology (1932)

Twinkle Twinkle

Throughout history mankind has worshipped the unknown and the dwelled in shadow, primitivistic urges little advanced beyond the endless sniffing of faeces so common among dogs and lesser species. The belief system built upon the imaginary will eventually collapse and the society to which it gave stucture will succumb to the forces of Associational entropy, drowning in failed belief, anatelic, crumbling evermore. But what of a God whose Will cracks across the sky in a startling display of atmospheric hullabulloo? What of the shooting star, sparkling like diamonds across the breast of Night, popping the dull cork of religions and landing it, once and for all, in the realm of the real, the Archimedic, beyond eternal Poobanism and like that.

Dubord associates Mormo with a minor Chaldean demigod called Mommo, a great warrior, but human. One day he set out to look for a stone which he had seen fall to earth and blinded by the sun invented the first denumbrator. He recovered the stone, which had fallen from the great vaults of the sky where Sirus soars -- from the very arches that support the heavens and separate the gods from the men of earth. When Mommo found the fallen boundary stone, he aquired great powers. He made of himself a king, so arrogant as to challenge the very gods. As powerful as he had become, however, he was no match for the gods; he was banished by Enlil and forced to roam the planet forever. To protect himself and the other gods, Enlil then hid the fallen stone inside the head of another wandering immortal. In his bitter state of earthbound immortality, Mommo sent his followers in search of the stone; when they found a likely candidate for the living hiding place, they naturally cut the person's head off to look inside for the stone. Dubord claims that Mormo, then, is merely Mommo by another name, and that the sacrifices associated with the former are the result of a misreading by Ankaran worshippers of Mommo's purpose: they knew nothing of a fallen stone but believed their god was demanding sacrifice to augment his power and satiate his thirst for death, as in the Mormo Death Cycle.

Dubord's theory, although far from widely accepted, still inspires provocative questions. An entire sub-genre of occult literature has grown up around his rather modest and rigorously scholarly book which has unfortunately caused many to look upon Dubord as some sort of crank who merits no attention whatsoever. But this is unfair to the mild-mannered professor, who in no way intended to posit what many have sought to ascribe to his writings.

That which was lost

One of Dubord's "wild step-children" is self-styled "investigative mythologist" William Henry, whose article "Shock ‘n Awe: We Will Rock You" (21 March 2003) contains quite a bit of clever word play linking the current war in Iraq with ancient Babylonian mythology.

As Elysuis points out, it is widely believed that during the period of Jewish history known as the Babylonian exile, Chaldean mythology had a great influence on the development of the mysticism found in the Kabbala. Starting with "Shock and Awe," the phrase used by the US military to describe the first phase of its Iraq invasion, Henry sees a reference to the Kabbalistic name of the feminine presence of God: "Shakina," who was exiled after the destruction of the Temple of Solomon. In her exile, she has variously been referred to as "the Widow" the "Stone of Exile" and the "Precious Stone." Arguably, her return from exile will precipitate the reconstruction of Solomon's Temple, which--according to the fundamentalist Christians George Bush associates himself with--is necessary before the Christ can make his encore performance.

According to an article in the Christian Science Monitor (6 August 2003), Iraqi folklore credited Saddam Hussein's occult powers to a "magic stone" he wore around his neck. What if the whole point of the Iraq war was to recover that stone? Shakina, the Precious Stone, was associated with the Ark of the Covenant, which makes any army who bears it invincible. Henry also points out that another element of the Shock and Awe campaign were the much-vaunted "decapitation strikes."

In Grail Romances, Percival is almost always, despite all other differences among their various authors, called the "Son of the Widow Lady." In Wolfram Von Eschenbach's version, the Templars are the Grail guardians, which is a stone called "lapsit exillis." This is bastard Latin which can be interpreted as "the stone, exiled." Whether the stone fell from heaven or was forced up by geomantic upheaval matters but little -- for Constantine himself, speaking from beyond Life in the vehicle of decapitation, blessed the Christian forces invading the Holy Land. What more does a sword need than the whetting stone of Christianity's true founder?

An Exemplary Construct

Freemasons are also referred to as "Widow's Sons," and a lost stone plays an important part in their mythology. A lost keystone, for example, is the whole point of the highest degree of the Royal Arch. Hiram Ibiff, the Freemason's martyred hero, is finally killed by a wound to the head while in charge of building Solomon's Temple.

Decapitated heads are often associated with the grail legends as well as the Templars. Richard the Lion-Hearted is said to have decapitated thousands of prisoners during the Third Crusade. The Templars were said to worship before heads and to hold something which guaranteed fertility and protection, much as decapitated heads have figured in Celtic and Welsh mythology (one of Shakina's places of exile is rumored to be Ireland). This could be the Grail or the Ark, both of which were said to hold these powers.


The biggest problem with piecing this history together is that after legend placed the stone in the head of an immortal, it was never retrieved. The historical record lacks any explicit connection, but this has not stopped people from searching. Texts this ancient are few, so many scholars have looked to Biblical references, including chapter 4 of Joshua, where God commanded Joshua to place twelve stones with the Ark of the Covenant. While it takes an extreme leap of faith to accept that these stones were somehow related to the fallen stone, several interesting facts fall into place once you make the jump.

The Ark, and it's accompaniment of stones, was later placed in Solomon’s Temple. The inner sanctum of the Temple, which held the Ark, was demarcated by encircled stones that separated the Profane from the Sacred. It seems likely that these were the same stones brought to the Ark by Joshua. As in Chaldean mythology, the stones demarked the separation of gods and men.

The treasures of the Temple were later stolen by Nebuchadnezzar II of Babylon. Nebuchadnezzar’s name in Akkadian translates to “Nebo, protector the boundary-stone.”1 No mention of the Ark or the stones is made when the treasures were returned to the Israelites. Interestingly, the Kaaba, the holiest of Islamic shrines, contains a similar arrangement to the Temple, wherein a Holy area is set off from the world of sinners. Is it possible that the stones left the Chaldeans, entered the hands of the Israelites, only to be wrestled away by the Muslims who keep it hidden away?

Another possibility has been posited. Nebuchadnezzar also conquered the Phoenician city of Tyre. Curiously, Hiram I, the King of Tyre, had provided vital assistance with the construction of the Solomon’s Temple. Tyre was later conquered by Alexander the Great, and eventually fell under an early Christian influence. Later still, it was absorbed into the Islamic tradition, only to be conquered during the First Crusade. Legend has it the Holy Grail was recovered from Tyre by the Templars. Did they actually take the stone, which as since been misrepresented as the Holy Grail?

Much of the speculation surrounding the stone and Tyre rests on etymology. The Hebrew and Arabic names for the city (Zor and Sour or Sor, respectively) both translate to "rock" or "stone" in an apparent reference to the rocky island where the city is situated. But the word "Tyre" traces back to Indo-European word "Dyeus", which meant “sky”.2

It's not a great leap to see that this was a town alternatively named for the Heavens and the Earth -- perhaps a strong magnet for a stone fallen from the arches separating Heaven and Earth.

Still Crazy After All These Years

If we assemble these references together, a pattern emerges; are the Holy Grail, the Ark of the Covenant, an exiled widow, a fallen stone and a decapitated head one and the same? It is no wonder that much has been made of Dubord's theory. If Mommo went around cutting off heads in order to "get his groove back," the Gnomic, Mormo-infested US government might do the same. Plastic Tub believes that if true, the US didn't find what they were looking for when they pulled a gaunt Saddam Hussein from his hole in the ground. Decapitations are still in fashion all over Iraq as so-called "insurgents," most likely CIA operatives hunting for the fallen stone, make their gruesome home movies in a rather clumsy revelation of their search.

Agents haven't met with much sucess in regard to Bin Laden either. Days after 9-11, a small CIA hit squad led by Gary Schroen was sent to Afghanistan to "Capture Bin Laden, kill him and bring his head back in a box on dry ice." As for his cohorts? Shroen was told to put their heads on pikes. Four years after the attacks he masterminded on 9-11, Bin Laden remains at large. Perhaps his head holds the fallen stone....

"I heard that Saddam Hussein, in solitary confinement, was spending his time writing poetry, reading the Koran, eating cookies and muffins, and taking care of some bushes and shrubs. I heard that he had placed a circle of white stones around a small plum tree."

-- Eliot Weinberger, What I Heard about Iraq (2005)

The Beat Goes On

The fallen stone has made its way into other mythical traditions as well. At Islam's holiest site, there is a shrine called the Kaaba, or Kaba. One of the cornerstones is a meteorite 50 cm in diameter, surrounded by a silver band that holds it together due to damage sustained while being returned 22 years after it was stolen by Ismaeli raiders in 930 CE. The stone is believed to have fallen during Adamic times and that it was originally a dazzling pure white, having turned black after absorbing the sins of true believers. This stone is called Al-Hajaral Aswad.

(Many have speculated that the Ismaelis were to have some important contact with the Templars. Interesting in this story is that the Templars in their turn are said to have influenced the Freemasons, who place a great deal of importance on symbolic cornerstones. The White House and the Capitol Building, for example, have Freemasonic cornerstones.)

In Matthew 13:45-46, Jesus tells a parable known as the "Pearl of Great Price." In this parable a merchant finds a pearl so alluring he sells all of his belongings to buy it, ending up wealthier than ever. In this parable Jesus is commonly believed to be illustrating that the pearl, or the Kingdon of Heaven, is worth sacrificing everything for; it is the ultimate treasure.

In the Acts of Thomas, a Gnostic text from ca. 200 CE, one also finds the "Hymn of the Pearl" (aka "Hymn of the Robe of Glory") as a metaphor for the exile and redemption of the soul. In the Hymn, a noble youth is sent to Egypt to recover a precious pearl guarded by a serpent. Once there, he loses his identity, forgetting not only his family and where he comes from, but who he is as well. After a series of encounters he comes back to himself, lulls the serpent to sleep and snatches the pearl, recovering the splendid, glittering robe which had ben made for him by his parents and which during his "exile" he had removed and forgotten. In a bit of Jungian synchronicity, ancient Chinese lore relates that pearls were formed in the brains of dragons, and guarded between their teeth. The dragon had to be slain before the pearl could be retrieved. Pearls were said to fall from the clouds when dragons fought. The black pearl, in particular, was a symbol of wisdom.

Some of these themes are repeated in the Pearl, a 14th century poem believed to be by the author of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, a Grail Romance. In this poem, a young man falls asleep and dreams that he has lost his precious pearl. Perceiving a maiden, he asks if she is his lost pearl. She says that his pearl is not lost, but a rose which has withered. The youth wonders if the maiden has replaced Mary as the Queen of Heaven. Later, wearing the pearl, she instructs him on sin and redemption and exhorts him to forsake all he has to buy the pearl. He asks of the New Jerusalem, and she says he may not enter but can see it. He is led up a river to a spot where he sees the Blessed entering the Kingom of God and plunges into the river to join them; he awakes from his dream at this point, resolved to fulfill the wishes of God. Is this maiden--associated with the lost stone-- Shakinah, guide to the reconstructed Temple?

In Polynesia, the black pearl was called "the pearl of queens" or the "queen of pearls." Many legends surround the pearl. According to one, Oro, the god of peace and fertility, came down to earth on a rainbow, offering the pearl oyster to man. In another, the spirits of coral and sand adorned one "Te Ufi" with a cloak of the colors of all the fish that swim in Polynesia. The glory of the heavens came to rest on the ocean bed in the iridescent mother-of-pearl, which was considered a gift from the sky to the sea.

The Greeks and Romans thought pearls were born in oysters when rain or dew penetrated between the layers. The Persians thought the same, but they believed that if a pearl was imperfect it was due to thunder in the sky. Another says pearls are born from the meeting of a rainbow with the earth.

The Pearl of Great Price is also the name of the second holiest Book of Mormonism, which of course is a well-known front for a powerful Mormo Cult. Although not a meteorite, the pearl is a stone of great power. In fundamentalist belief systems, the fallen stone represents a literal thing, an object to be retrieved from within someone's head. More mystically-oriented believers feel that the pearl is symbolic of some sort of knowledge, a key to heaven, if you will, represented by a stone hidden in the head of an "immortal," or person of lasting import and influence.

See Also


Note 1: Saddam Hussein invoked the name of Nebuchadnezzar in his propaganda, identifying himself as his modern incarnation.

Note 2: "Dyeus" refers specifically to a sunny sky. It stems from a verb which meant "to shine" and made its way to English as “day” through the Latin “dis”. It is closely related to the word “deiwos” which meant “god”. “Deiwos” which made it’s way to English as “deity” and “divine” through the Latin “divus” ("god") and as the stem of “Tuesday” from the proto-Germanic “Tiw” (also "god"). (Hence "Tues" and "day" stem from the same word, rejoined after centuries of branching apart, rooting across Europe.) It's interesting to note that the Indo-European god Dyus ptr (“Sky father”) was brought forward as “Dyaus Pitar” or “Dyau Pitar” (also “Sky Father”) in Sanskrit and as “Zeus” in Greece. “Zue pater”, Greek for “Sky father” was then carried from the Greek to Latin as “Jupiter”.

Feast Day

Feast Day n. 1. Sidereal concurrence of meaning, counsel and food. 2. Blessings, consecrations, and jubilatory indulgence in accordance with particular diurnal sequences. 3. Perennial and permanent days of exaltation, extolliation and reverie for AA adherents. 4. Any day that involves carousing with enormous turkey legs or the methodical indulgence of Austrian ale and polish sausage in the company of a german lampshade or greaser gal.


"Don't worry baby, I'll be home by Stimso's Day eve." -- Mazzistow Carrington to an unknown bedmate


filament gn. 1. A communication accreted, divided, sent, re-applied. 2. The function of speech as utilized by inanimate soul-less objects. 3. The connective fiber of association, deriving from the accident, and consitituting the interconnectedness of the one million things. 4. Information found to be inviolate to vapor, fumic intrusion or infection. 5. An Illuminist's tool. 6. That which is not used whilst noodling for catfish.

See Also

  • Gnostic Materialism
  • Hang Man
  • Puppet
  • The Untieable Knot


flap vn 1. Action of the uppers limbs causing or imitating flight. 2. A row, fight. 3. Movement by a flapper. 4. A fat chick, according to a young Ahmed Capra; umbrella. 5. Dust jacket; flexible fold (skin, cloth, meal, rubber, paper, etc.).

See Also

  • Art Doll
  • Flapjack


Danglin' off the mainland like a donkey's cock, with the Keys slowly dribbling off into the Caribbean: Florida's no stranger to bad freakiness. An elaborate electronical modeling by Cal State showed that if 27 hitchhikers were scattered across the continent and set to randomly thumbing about the US, they all end up bouncin' through Florida in under 27 months flat. Sounds like a steamy load of horse shit to us, but who the hell wants to argue stats with Cal State? We've gotta admit, though, that circumstantial evidence points to many a poor soul lost in the Southern-most state. See, for example, the strange tale of Kevin Statham--where are you, mate? More tales abound in the Tub, where we find interest in Florida as the home to:

  • Encephalitus City, the vicious cross roads of Speed Ray and Chrystal Kelp
  • Tampa, that seedy home of the seedier Harbor Club and the seediest of Mom Jokes, not to mention that powder keg we coyly call The Second Advance
  • Alpha Chimp, which released the blazingly hot funk and spoken word of Johnny Cake
  • Easton W. Wunderkidd's plot, Sandra Day's brains and Dr. Shitzby Bathworthy's charred hide
  • Geomachy incarnate, as she saddles the western rim of the Bermuda Triangle with a curdle of white sands

See Also

  • Bending Denim
  • Bruce
  • Manatee
  • Tampa

Founding Fathers Founding Fathers aka "Fathers of Our Country," "Forefathers," "Framers." 1. The men who signed the Declaration of Independence, United States Constitution or otherwise participated in the American Revolution as Patriots. 2. Vaporic constructs which form the moral-reference point for the beleaguered ideals of U.S.. 3. In AA parlance, the AAers featured in the publication Who We Are. 4. Stimes Addisson and Stimso Adid. 5. A group of dead men.


While civilization called out and generally inscribed the size of ballsacks, an entire culture of vaginas existed beyond ken. Thus we find Founding Fathers in theorectical rout with constant Founding Motherhood -- it is between these two sloppy beast-hards where our divorced opining spins goofball records, gets maybe a tatoo or pukes, irrevocably, over five yards of China silk.

See Also

  • Geomachy
  • Guvernor Morris
  • Stinking Weed


Note 1: Would be wooers take heed: this "strategy" is startling in its lack of success and renowned for yielding spectacular failures.


framers jfk. 1. Shifty perps who veil the stooge, ensnaring events through post-association; those bent on smear campaigns. 2. Those who erect the foundation or scaffolding upon which a structure is mounted; Founding Fathers. 3. Those blackguards, associates of the League of Gnomes, who were responsible for the dissemination of disinformation designed to further Pooban ideals. 4. Those who connect the stars and craft the Zodiac; astrologers.

Non Canonical Text

“…goddamn frame jobbin’, finger pointin’, blackmailin’, son of a guns…’’--Johnny Cash. Unpublished Songs.

See Also

  • Balthazar Buehb
  • Counterfeiting gangs
  • Knot
  • Psy-ops
  • Unseen hand


Freemasonry org. 1. A vast number of self-inflated and pseudo-veiled autotelic human organizations of dwindling membership formed in medieval times; principally granted value via conspiracy theories bolstered by peculiar opposition from various other autotelic human organizations (e.g., the Church and communist governments).

Non Canonical Text

Like the last wriggles of deflating balloon, Or the twitches of worms cut in two; Once puffed with vapor -- Now wheezing on fumes

-- Miller, Arthur. Noted in margins of early draft of "Death of a Salesman." Circa 1948.

See Also

  • Founding Fathers
  • Geomachy


fume(s) A. 1. The product of a failed evocation, liable to sprain a limb and rend the mind. 2. Born, jacketed, sent on his way from the altar where Abraham failed in duty; named Ishmael when the name should be Isaac, named Isaac when the name should be Ishmael; a clamp. 3. The by-product or remainder of vapor. 4. False testimony, a simulacra. 5. The remaining portion of a previous wealth; the product of reduction.


"This culture is running on whatchacall, fumes." -- Televy Gide, in his fortunate confession. "If a bullet could talk, this bullet shot fume like a foamy thigh." -- the Old Blind Man in Blood Red Blues.

See also

  • Accidentalism
  • God
  • Human hand
  • Moist Air
  • Molech


Geloscopy vn. 1. Divination by means of laughter or mirth; prophecy through chuckles, used to unveil the hidden and to bring it sniggering to light. 2. The use of humor for the elucidation of a problem or to otherwise grapple about the edge of a bit, wringing it dry really, but getting shit done, solving it, opening it. 3. The primary means of Accidentalist evocation, using primal vaporic language. 4. mach. Device used to produce laughter in the fatidic sense, and employed by geloscopists. 5. euph. A common pick-up scheme employed by canny men with a fearsome or otherwise displeasing aspect.


The original geoscope was little more than a modified gnathic seismograph (http://blog.modernmechanix.com/2006/08/30/gnathograph).

Gene Transfer

Gene Transfer jupit. 1. The movement and coincident mingling of genetic material, primarily through fucking1 although not limited to such. 2. Jumping ship for a purpose other than escape. 3. The gratuitous exchange of denim pants.


Seemingly in abeyance to physical law, gene transfer often astounds with its ability to rock out with its very unlikely cock out.

Alexandre Dacusse was a dexterous and invigorating initiator of vertical gene transfer, though he preferred missionary style.

See Also

  • Accidentalism
  • Transpanting


Note 1: The sexual commingling of genetic material is referred to by seemingly straight-faced scientists as vertical gene transfer. Horizontal gene transfer refers to situations like Peter Parker.


geomachy nv. 1. An occlusion of blood, exemplified in this instance by a clarity of geographical focus; the associationalist's sleep-shirt. 2. A dirigible for which tickets are always available and upon which only certain names are inscribed. 3. Synonymous with the Pooban geomancy. 4. The poesy of forecasting events or gaining of supernatural information through intellectual collision with the autotelic architecture of vapor; most generally, this applies to natural or geological structures, but it is increasingly being applied to the Associationalist appraisal of human structures, sculpture and related hand-works.


The D.C. Pentagram is a configuration of streets in Washington, D.C., which surrounds and encompasses a surprising large number of Freemasonic points of reference as well as the White House. Conspiracy theories abound with claims that this is evidence of some sort of conspiracy wherein Freemasonic/Satanic forces dominate U.S. Government. The general idea is that the city design displays an intermeshing of Satanic and Freemasonic imagery and symbology which engulfs the seat of governmental power, and thus serves to either symbolize or actually magically empower the Freemasonic/Satanic control of the United States. While it’s true that there is, in fact, a very visible (if incomplete) pentagram formed in the D.C. street plan, there are at least two major flaws with this theory. First, although Freemasons and Satanic cults both share a veil of secrecy, they are fundamentally incompatible (despite what the Church tends to claim). Second, contrary to the popular belief of arm-chair occultists, the pentagram is not strictly a Satanic symbol. Although the pentagram has been somewhat recently adopted by Satanists as a symbol of the Beast, its roots are significantly deeper than the contemporary Christian view of Satan; indeed, its use as a symbol can be easily traced back as far as ancient Egypt and Babylon where its symbology is deeply meshed within various Death Cults.

In this wider historical context, the pentagram is better viewed as symbol or magical invocation of capturing or containment. In this sense, the conspiracies may be correct –- perhaps the pentagram is meant to serve as a symbolic means of a controlling ensnarement. But what the conspiracies fail to note is that both the governmental and Freemasonic seats of power seem to be contained within the D.C. pentagram. Could it be that a third agency is at play, utilizing the pentagram to wrestle control over both the U.S. government as well as the Freemasons?

Before delving to deeply into the symbolic underpinnings of the cityscape, let us briefly explore the design.

History of the D.C. Design

The center of D.C. was originally designed by Pierre Charles L'Enfante, a Frenchman who had attained the rank of Major in the Continental Army. L'Enfante is known to have infused his design with symbolic purpose. For example, his dislike for Justice John Jay is widely credited as the reason why his plan skipped J Street in the D.C. layout. (I Street is adjacent to K street.)

(Let us momentarily jump back to our understanding of the D.C. pentagram as a snare, imprisoning Freemasons and politicians alike. If this is correct, why would Justice John Jay be left out? Contemporary populist wisdom claims a venomous L'Enfante excluded Jay (J) out of professional jealousy. But this is simply incorrect. L'Enfante and Jay shared a common political yearning to remain one with the Continent; thrust into Revolution, they went with the times. Both shared companionship with Benjamin Franklin, and all three, in fact, briefly shared residence in Paris during 1781. And, if certain diaries of certain Madames of Paris are to be believed, both shared a certain "fondness" for well-fed children; among certain circles, it is said that French support for the rebellious colonies was nearly withdrawn before Franklin was able to use cash, expulsion of specific fellow countrymen and bribery to smooth over the disappearance of several Parisian children. Perhaps their "dislike" for one another was simply a cover to prevent the linking of the two with mangled infancy? What exactly does "l'enfante" mean?)

L'Enfante's plan was significantly modified by surveyor Andrew Ellicott and his assistant Benjamin Bannaker when they began their work in 1791. Contrary to some popular internet "theorists", none of the three men were Freemasons. Over time, Washington evolved naturally and the street plan strayed from L'Enfante's vision. At one point, for example, what is now the National Mall was a muddy field used for grazing cattle and marred by an ugly railway station.

In 1901, a Commission chaired by Senator James McMillan of Michigan was formed to restore the Mall to L'Enfante's original vision. Among the experts he engaged was Frederick Law Olmsted, Jr., a landscape architect who was, like McMillan, not a Freemason. Olmstead did, however, previously redesign the Capitol building grounds, in 1874. That design is of interest in AA circles because of its purported resemblance to an owl.

Major points on the D.C. Pentagram

1. Dupont Circle 2. Logan Circle 3. Mt. Vernon Square 4. The White House 5. Washington Circle 6. Farragut Square 7. McPherson Square 8. Franklin Park 9. Lafayette Park

Tracing the Pentagram

Dupont Circle (1) and Logan Circle (2) form the two leg-points of a pentagram. The legs trace down 15th St. and Connecticut Avenue where, if continued, would form the bottom tip of the star at the center of the White House (4). They are, however, broken at K Street by Farragut Square (6) and McPherson Square (7). The lines pick back up after the Squares, but they are broken again at LaFayette Park (9).

K Street forms the bar of the pentagram and culminates at Mount Vernon Square (3) and Washington Circle (5).

The star is incomplete. From Logan Circle, Rhode Island Avenue seeks to complete the pentagram, but it stops, leaving the left arm incomplete from where RI meets Connecticut (connect it cut?) until Washington Circle.

Pennsylvania Avenue, New Hampshire Avenue, New York Avenue, and P Street form a near perfect pentagon around the star, but from Logan Circle to Mount Vernon Square (the opposite of the broken arm), it is unfinished.

Of further interest is the flattened appearance of the pentagram. Usually pentagrams are more symmetrical, designed so that they fit perfectly into a circle; the D.C. pentagram, however, most nimbly fits into an ellipse. Just south of the White House, this is mirrored in that part of the National Mall known as "The Ellipse," an elliptical road 1 km in length in President's Park which is centered upon the point of the pentagram. The Ellipse was part of L'Enfante's original design. In 1919 a marker known as the Zero Milestone was dedicated there. The Zero Milestone, inspired by the Imperial Roman "Golden Milestone," was intended to be the point from which all distances to D.C. are calculated. It has engravings on five sides; the north features a winged helmet of the type associated with Mercury, or Hermes. "As Above, So Below," anyone? L'Enfante, incidentally, intended this point to be one mile east of the Capitol.

Masonic Names

16th Street bisects the pentagram right down the middle; P Street runs the base of the Pentagon, exactly 13 blocks north of the White House. Where 16th meets P, there is a Masonic Temple which serves as the headquarters of the Southern Jurisdiction of the Scottish Rite. Note that "P" is the 16th letter of the alphabet, which places the Temple at crossing where 16 meets itself. (Numerologists tend to perk up at this point, noting that 16 times 16 equals 256, a number infused with considerable lore.)

Washington Circle is calumniated by 23rd Street. General George Washinton was, of course, a Freemason. Also note that Mount Vernon Square rests just north of I (Eye) Street (The "Eye" is included on maps of D.C.) Mount Vernon was Washington's home.

David G. Farragut (First Admiral of the Navy) and the Marquis de LaFayette were also Freemasons.

Logan Circle is Bisected by 13th Street. General John A. Logan, a Civil War hero who was made a Mason in Benton Lodge No. 64, Illinois.

Lieutenant General Winfield Scott, whose circle lies at the crotch of the pentagram was not only a Freemason, but was invited to Cuba by a group of Freemasons, inspired by the events of 1848, to lead an insurrection against the Spanish. Scott died in 1849 before the plot could be carried out, shortly after having been transferred to Texas.

Rear Admiral Samuel Francis DuPont came from a family of wealth, power and Freemasonic and (allegedly) Illuminist connections. The DuPont family had a role in building D.C.

Was Major Brigadier General James Birdseye McPherson a Freemason?

See Also

  • Augury
  • Founding Fathers
  • Geloscopy
  • Owl
  • Triskelion
  • The L'Enfant and Mcmillan Plans: Essay from the National Park Service

German Lampshades

German Lampshade kil. 1. As a shade catches light, a social convention which forestalls mention of eugenics or straight talk about the filthy. 2. Lampshades manufactured in Germany or by German laborers. 3. A lampshade made from an actual German. 4. euph. A shy and beautiful woman, a wallflower; a trophy wife.


Marching Onward

A counterfeiting gang in Iagoville linked to Ryan O'Donnely produced German Lampshades by the score in the late 1960's, selling them as anti-Semitic gag-gifts. Catering to a largely white-supremacist clientele, they released an astounding array of additional amusing products. For instance, a hook-nosed cock ring was introduced by fiat; then a finger that -- when pulled -- insulted the nearest group of Jewry. In the gang's master-stroke, they produced a lampshade that functioned not only as a world-class adumbrator but also, and perhaps more importantly, as a head-piece for drunken conventioneers and Klansmen in a pinch.

The Photo-Op

Experts agree that most German Lampshades on the market today are cheap-knockoffs made by the Swiss or worse, the French. Further, their post-modern minimilistic design does not allow for their employment as hats.

Dieter Detour

A large contingent of post-sassifiers have recently acknowledged the begrudging work of surveying the intellectual wasteland of reformative powersurges as exemplified in the understanding of the supposed holocaust victims in accordance with the conflicting evidence offered by the illustrious award of an hitherto entitled nation state with its continual holocaust of their own survival lines by the quote unquote allies?

Non-Canonical Text

There is some dish-flesh on my neck, and that's kind of sinister when you have a lampshade.

Amusing pie-eyed office-mates.

It is reported that "S", group-therapy relapsers, Christmas-addled accountants, solo-performers....Swiss Lampshades are made from hilarious drunks but also warm-up soup and "can melt a pat of butter from ten yards."

Internet porn is a great way to do internet furniture research - father of three, Toledo

See Also

  • Feast Day
  • Umbrage

German School of Re-Design

Famed School of Industrial Readiness and Colloquial Design, established by German AA dissidents in Costa Rica. Closely associated with the "rat-lines" which allowed Nazi officials to escape the fall of Germany, the school taught a severe, unbending approach to the arts, specifically those areas of expression deemed "irrevocably intolerable." In short, an idealism reigned supreme, the goal of which was no less than the "proper redesign of intolerable artifacts so prevalent in the decadent societies of the West." The school was mad about re-designing everything from the toothbrushes to the foot-saucer. Easton W. Wunderkidd nearly bankrupted the school in his South American Adventures Of 1948.


The faculty was reknowned and included everything from industrial designers to choreographers. Juan Castillo (Professor of Dance), for example, was roundly applauded for his intricate use of the goose-step in the Tango. His cohort Pedro Wiggins introduced the Nazi salute into the dance. Though many will deny the true origins, their moves can be found in milongas over the world to this day.

Although many of the School's projects were doomed to failure from the start (such as the notorious re-invention of the wheel campaign of 1953), other projects have had a profound on such diverse technologies as those involving spaceflight, nuclear weaponry, the manufacture of sausages and inline roller skates. On a more whimsical note, the School's introduction of the cube-shaped egg was enormousmy successful until public opinion turned against the concept after it was realized how much suffering this caused the chickens.

Today the School's 27-acre campus outside of San Juan bristles with life as nearly 3000 students carry out cutting edge research in over 30 disciplines. It is a fully accredited learning institution. In addition to its central educational mission, the School has small but well-regarded programs for the arts and music, sports and jungle exploration.

Hermenuetics High

The school was not without its darkside. During the years after WWII many of the professors and students engaged in many concerted acts of rebellion. The School's rigorous modern curriculum still held tightly to the major attitudes of the Third Reich, especially concerning the visual arts and experimental and/or electronic music. The students subverted the system by holding clandestine symposiums in the underground bunkers beneath the jungle. In the boiler rooms beneath the campus they arranged artshows for the mentally challenged, the illiterate, the retarded.

Mystery Date

These events were often highlighted by Dionysian frenzies stimulated by electronic tones (arranged in primitive intervals) and the premier South American hallucinagen Ayahuasca. Over time, the participants fractioned out into smaller factions. In the beginning the rebellions were liberating and transcendent but soon became marred by transgressive violence and quickly shifted to its decadent stages. Although many of the factions disbanded after the South American Adventures Of 1948 there are rumors about a certain faction that fled the school for the jungle where they began their transformation back to the primitive.

See Also

  • Clampers
  • Copenhagen Poob Research Institute
  • Newton Farnell Jameston
  • Psychoseismology


glasspants n. 1. Tight fitting jeans; a house of windows, mild winters with tons of prep. 2. A series of experiments by Adid and Addisson that went horribly and famously awry, resulting in arrests, embarrassment, bleeding, disfigurement and stiff knees. 3. prop. n. An elusively outspoken and reputedly fictional member of the poorly conceived (and arguably hoaxed) Minneapolis-based Bought Art Movement (BAM).

See Also

  • Asian Thumbs
  • Snack Cake
  • Transpants
  • Yon Milhaus

Gnostic Materialism

A seeming contradiction in terms, Gnostic Materialism is a rough-hewn ontological system elaborated but thinly by Stimes Addisson in his seminal work, The Railroad of Filaments. It can perhaps best be summed in the closing remarks from that work:

"I am confident the space around my head swims with a savage notation of Spirit -- Air is very nearly boiling with vapor. Demons, Angels, the Hand of all Gods Principalities and Countenances reach unto me, alighting my thoughts with symbol, damnation and benedictions of Grace -- but I believe not in such things. I reject the anassociational being: I leave it to the weeping of widows, the emptiness of starving children and the saucer-eyed platitudes of religious yeoman. But my atheism, my unbelief does not diminish the abilities of the Invisible to set ablaze in my life a firmament of Association. Each trembling filament of my thought becomes an epileptic paean to these mute Powers, to the leering apologia of my bent knee and to my servitude under the everlasting existence of things that, quite simply, do not exist."

Non-Canonical Text

Like a Gnostic receding in the mirror, Gnostic Materialists retreat from Sophia and reject the pleroma. Believing that substance is tainted through knowledge, they seek a state of mute slumber with dumb apes. As such, they serve as disruptive element in civilization and elevate the Dark Ages to the status of a Golden Age. Both ornery and capricious, their philosophical convolutions and warped logical extremities are almost predictable in their unpredictability. Their yearning for the opened head, for example, is driven by an understanding that the Gnosis is released in this state, for they believe that dull, gray substance of the brain seeks to rid itself of the mind.

See Also

  • Ablation
  • God


goat n. 1. Multipurpose omnivore. 2. Ancient symbol of Lasciviousness, or Lust. 3. AA totem animal (see Extrapolation, below). 4. Tenth sign on the O'Donnely Zodiac Placemats. 5. Alternately symbolic of both gluttony and aspiration.


Much of today's enthusiasm for the Goat can be attributed to the ongoing celebration of the numerous enthusiasts of the Blackmore Freehold and surrounding pastures. Husbandary expert/electric guitarist Ritchie Blackmore founded the Freehold in 1975 after departing the sucessful music outfit Deep Purple. He attributes his early fascination with goats to a long weekend spent with Jimmy Page at the (former Alister Crowley estate) Boleskine House. Although the Estate was rumoured to be haunted and the owners assured occultists, Ritchie claims that it was a "scruffy young kid named Elijah that enamored him so."

Non Canonical Text

". . . of the many fortitudes that providence has bestowed upon us his lowly creation is the unkind mirror of nature's participants which beguile a beard of goat a lion's mane and discomfort his environs with crag, root and weed". - Clemetus Gildenhonour's Canaanitic Demigods of the Lower Abrahammatic Deltas.

Gildenhonour's resplendent pronunciamento of everything Capra may well fair as the penultimate screed on this topic. Although long out of print, the edition arrives on the occasional literary auction block and commands a stratospheric ransom. Philanues Heliophanes (in his final treatise on the influence of the pre-Bacchic cults The Vine and Vice) described the CDOTLAD as the quintessental document to explain the zietgiest and regress of the he-goat during the Pre-Hellenic epoch.

"...Morris, you old goat..." - letter from President Jefferson to Guvernor Morris, upon learning that Sally Hemmings was pregnant.


god n. 1. The unmoving mover responsible for setting the universe in motion, and presumably, also responsible for it's burgeoning nillitude and inevitable collapse into hypergravitational peep-holery. 2. An invisible, vaporic creature responsible for damning and praising; a nosy landlord. 3. An object of extraordinary devotion or derision. 4. The conglomeration, in one hot tiny dot, of all existing information and possibility; hyle semenaunt or the ylem itself. 5. That which is higher than can be conceived without recourse to poetical technology.


"God -- aside from being non-existent -- has no Nose." -- Thought to be Stimso Adid's last utterance until it was discovered that he in fact, had not died.

"You will taste the Mind of God." -- Spoken to Steven Vogeler by winning Iraqi Chili Cookoff Team U.S. Army Sgt. Theodore (Tex) Sanchez and Abdullah (Bean Man) Alabudi (Iraqi Export) at the 2003 Incidentalist Dead Flesh Bonanza.

"There is no need to apply a swollen divinity." -- Adid, while jogging.

"A rolling God gathers no moss, at least not in these climes. But if he did, we would have to invent a canopy of branches." -- Bearer 'Thiope, protagonist of Dowd Morhart's obscure novel The Broken Wobm of Christ (sic).

"Baa" - Hansard's Guide to Refreshing Sheep.

See Also molech mormo

Golden golden adj. 1. Of or resembling gold (blonde; golden shower). 2. Lucky, or disposed toward creating luck (golden child). 3. Cornelius P. Buttercup (nickname), founder of the Order of the Golden West. 4. One of the weakest chess openings (F3), often granted to a superior player, favored by Alexandre Dacusse. 4. A playa's teeth.


"Golden tongue my ass." -- Debbie Does Dallas.

Golden tongue

Golden tongue n. 1. A literal tongue, cast adrift on a phone-call proffered in another language, there are sick things about: thus dreams. 2. A pusillanimous yet convincing speaker. 3. A very good baseball pitcher. 4. A tubular, muscular appendage located in the mouth that waggles in such a fashion as to rate highly on a geloscope.

See Also

  • Argy Boy
  • Charismatic manipulation
  • Folksy Tales and Texan Humour

Good luck

good luck tao. 1. Fortune turning toward personal gain, a windfall. 2. A superpower of sorts, resulting in lifelong happiness, effortless and pleasing orgasms, mighty laughs in the cold winter, logging for fun, represented historically in symbolic form through the vehicle of pigs, amanita mushrooms, swastikas and four-leaved clovers. 3. Avoidance of pain, troublesome shite, duty.


"La bonne chance est une manière sûre de visser une certaine baise faible plus de. Soyez témoin des cieux environ, ne pourriez-vous pas déraciner un nez autour de cet excédent de coin ou de nibbin votre témoignage vers ce bord le camarade -- mais peut-être qui est en désordre derrière ? Quelle pensée ! Les Américains vivent dans une cosse comme la corona de la bonne chance -- mais c'est le genre d'ampoule sentante douce qui éclate. Dans la chance courte et bonne est comme se baiser, de phase, dans le stéréo, la vente des t-shirts faits face graisseux sur votre blog, etc..! Nous nous sommes déplacés au delà du que -- nous n'avons pas besoin de chance du tout."1 -- Francois Mitterand, the so-called "Sphinx of Paris", on the subject of Sino-American philosophical collision.

See Also

  • Blumpkies
  • God
  • Killing


Note 1: (From the original French, translated by Hopi Garden) The good luck is a sure manner to screw some kisses weak more. Be pilot skies approximately, could not you uproot a nose around this surplus of corner or nibbin your testimony towards this edge the comrade -- but perhaps who is in disorder behind? What a thought! The Americans live in a thimble as corona of the good luck -- but it is the kind of feeling bulb soft which bursts. In the short and good chance is like kissing, of phase, in stereophony, the sale of the tee-shirts faced greasy on your blog, etc.! We moved beyond that -- we do not need chance of the whole.


graffiti fku 1. A territorial marker most often akin to stale urine; piss on walls. 2. To place a new message atop an older message. 3. Defacing graphics or text, illicitly rendered with an eye toward maximum visibility.


grave mf. 1. Coffin hole; a Boneyards plot; an earthen bed for a Dead man. 2. Serious; in a bad way. 3. To carve, sculpt, or protray; engrave (A graven image).


"His soul was toom, now he rots in the grave." -- from Jack the Ripper's premature obituary

See Also

  • Dead body
  • The League of Men with Fancy Gloves

Great quantity

great quantity n. 1. A breath held, very tightly, when your dad dies. 2. An unsmall, excessive, or fabulous amount; the amount desired. 3. A poor but common substitute for lack of quality. 4. The proper amount of beer.

Non Canonical Text

"...but behind closed doors, even the crustiest stalwarts of the gentile upper-caste shed their self-control. Here we find the crossroads where kings and bikers collide, the stately King Solomon and the mighty Sonny Barger: drinkers, fighters, and lovers... Here we perhaps catch a glimpse into the dark alcove where the psychologist burrows, digging into the fertile and lusty dreams locked away in unopened heads attached to zombian poobs. Guvernor Morris certainly made no excuses for his excessively liberal trysts in bedrooms of the movers and shakers..." -- from the dust jacket introduction to Women Smoke Crack, Too.

"...gluttons, poets, junkies, gamblers, joggers, warmongers, seers, outlaws, clowns, reporters... You name 'em, I've f*cked, blown 'em, rolled 'em, and had 'em come back beggin' for more..." -- C.J. Scroggins. Confessions of a Buggerer. Daylight Press. 1971.

See Also

  • Desert Shield II
  • Fallen Stone
  • Goat
  • Heavy drinking
  • Kapital
  • Pig
  • William S. Burroughs


greenhorn n. 1. A person levied against himself and found thus lacking through a kind of imaginary proxy. 2. The first grade of The League of Men with Fancy Gloves. 3. Alternate name for the first degree of the Order of the Golden West.

Guys on the crew

Namely, Jed Barnes and Ned Smith, roadies from the Poughkeepsie area who set up the stage for various AA events during the "slow period" of the mid-eighties.


Dutch looked over at the guys on the crew. They were mingling with the dead body - takin' photos, just poor motherfuckers without a clue. A clew really is what they...nothing you could put your hand on.

Dutch wandered off to the opposite side and lit up a smoke. Then dropped the cigarette. He digressed in his mind to a summer vacation, on the lake, girls, bubble gum, dead bodies. Too many and Dutch got angry with himself. He was losing his mind. Get back to the center. But there is no center. He was fucked.

Hand Pants

hand pants q. 1. A protective sheath composed of flexible material and worn over the fingers, palm and wrist; pants for the palm alone are known as gauntlets and for the wrist, brace-lets. 2. Quite simply, pants for hands; gloves. 3. Totem gear for a reversal of Fortune, particularly as instanced in both the Donald Duck Tarot and William Flintrock's Geloscopic Aphasium.

The earliest known hand pants were fashioned from available animal stock, wrought from indelicate portions such as the stomach, the bladder or testicle pouches. Composed thusly from the crudest of available material, they featured no articulation for the fingers and rarely functioned for any reasonable length of time, often serving but once. Worn as a loose-fitting bag, this proto-glove functioned well as a simple protective device; though beyond such obvious utility, the glove quickly evolved as a social signifier, an indicator of rank and as such was believed to endow the bearer with occult powers. A gloved individual, for instance, can reach into the fire to retrieve a fallen item or manipulate hot coals -- or perhaps simply in a show of bravado, a perfomance no doubt mawkishly noted by other members of the tribe, particularly those circumbscribed by a fear of the unknown, awe-struck by the apparently super-natural origins of technology.

Following this, gloves are perhaps the earliest known example of magical vestment, articles of clothing or personal accoutrement thought to posses other-worldy, mystical powers. In a practical sense, particularly with hand-pants, this belief is understandable -- the glove indeed bestows the power. A nude hand will singe in the fire, helpless, it's owner enjoys no innate ability to defy Nature. The hand-pant, however, temporarily transfers it's power to the hand and indeed, as is most importantly understood, migrates it's mystical character to anyone's hand. In this, hand-pants are similar to hats, which enjoy a prolonged reputation as vaporic conduits, ably demonstrated by the popular Victorian phrase, "the hat makes the man."


"Our pants, our hands, our Destiny's referal by inclusion, our messy faces clogging out through the patio of our Speecch -- We Acclaim Those Bits, but so do we muddle about in the realm of shadow -- we speak loudly I mean. And this Speech will be heard --- It will flop about half naked and skimming vast profits . . . " -- Hermann Goering, 'An Accidental Strife.'

Non-Canonical Text

A mastation gloomy, kind of like passing shadows, etc: perfected in Victorian England, exported shortly, and lately trumpeted by Steven Adkins; though lately his fame casts a largely conservative shadow, it manifests nonetheless in spangled star-panted contact with foreign interests, gnomically rolling and diffuse entirely, consumed with a vapor --- fuming mad perhaps, ever-concentrated, crossing immense and material fingers.

See Also

  • Fumes


head n. 1. Bulbous appendage supported by the neck and riddled with orifices. 2. Birthplace of vapor and air. 3. A toilet. 4. A frothy curtain draped atop beer. 4. The person in charge. 5. Fellatio.


The head is generally closed though occasionally opened; death may result from removal1 .

See Also

  • The August Agenda
  • Face
  • Fallen Stone


Note 1: But not necessarily

Heartplug heartplug n. 1. A meal of unusually high caloric and cholesterol content, usually prepared in a single pot or pan, containing little to no vegetables but containing beans, cheese and beef. 2. Gnome parlance for a bullet.


The original heartplug concocted at informal Second Advance get-togethers consisted of refried beans, ground beef, cheddar cheese and perhaps a few slices of tomato cooked together in a single pan and washed down with a quaff or two of beer.

In France, the reigning heartplug comes from the south. Known as a cassoulet, it is a weighty kind of white-bean stew which contains pork sausage and pieces of duck that have been cooked in lard. Aside from its hearty punch of cholesterol and raw lipids, an emptied cassoulet bowl can be worn on the head as a hat.

The cassoulet finds a cousin in the Fabada Asturiana. Comprised of white beans, shoulder of pork, black blood sausage, spicy sausage, saffron and other seasonings, it can be found not only in its native Asturias but wherever Spanish restaurants are found. Like chili con carne, the fabada tends towards the complex end of the "Smithson Heartplug Scale" developed by MIT researcher Marylin Smithson in 1996. Although heartplugs the world over fall all over the spectrum, AA'ers tend towards the simple end, which translates to fewer ingredients, less cooking time and lower costs.

Many Tex-Mex meals are considered heartplugs, but chief among these interzone manifestations are huevos rancheros and the aforementioned chili con carne, more commonly known simply as "chili."

Although there is no small amount of pride among those who favor more complicated recipes, even the most jaded gourmand respects the simple heartplug, which to quote Smithson, makes up the "warp and woof of the urban peasant's sustenance." See Also

  • BBQ
  • Dallas Dumpling
  • Heavy drinking
  • Incidentalist Dead Flesh Bonanza


Holy Man/Woman n. 1. Any saint, sage, shaman or mantic practitioner considered to have an odour of sanctity and a ready supply of wisdom. 2. rep. An individual considered to exemplify any given religious teaching in both thought and deed. 3. The third and final grade of The League of Men with Fancy Gloves.

The Call of the Hermaphrodite

Many uninformed commentators have written that candidates for the Holy Man/Woman grade are divided by gender so that, as one might imagine, female candidates are Holy Women and male candidates, Holy Men. This however, is a falsehood arising from a lack of thorough investigation. In fact both men and women are known as "Holy Man/Woman" or, as it appears in some known pamphlets, "Holy Man-Woman." Although the exact meaning of the name is unknown, evidence suggests that it refers to a kind of symbolic hermaphroditism such as may be found in occultic, especially alchemical literature. Speculation is rampant, but the recent discovery of a ritual called "Recovering the Other" lends some credence to the theory.

Cock and Cunt

The Holy Man/Woman is awarded metal guantlets upon whose middle knuckles are affixed silver phalli. Each guantlet, when formed into a clenched fist, also mimics a vagina, the lips of which decorate the thumb and forefinger, the space between becoming the hole. With this highly unusual pair of handware the Holy Man/Woman is able to perform the salute and handshake of their grade. This symbolism lies behind the name of London pub The Cock and Swallow, an obscure east end watering-hole frequented by Gloved Ones.

See Also

  • Ablation
  • Lads and Lassies of the Skillet
  • The Worship of Dongs
  • Vatican Breakfast


homunculus n. 1. A controlling agent or meme, often diminutive in size or concept; the seed of a watermelon. 2. trad. A miniature human being residing in a sperm cell, which, when properly introduced to an egg, will develop into a full-sized person, a tiny golem, or an unseen master inhabiting a human host. 3. A profane creation which thwarts its intended purpose; an unwelcome visitor. 4. The bane of a poob.


"Depite Skinner's claims to have deloused mankind, homunculi fling Payne like a rag doll." -- A Snoutless Setter: Payne Has No Point, Nick Hook, ed., The Whittier Globe, Dec. 3, 1994.


Honeybee(s) n. 1. Derisive term applied to those women who with apparently little else to do than to malinger around museums, art galleries and drafty studios spouting nonsense and displaying a prowess for elegant hair-dos. 2. A blatantly homo-sexual man. 3. A superficial or shallow person; an expert at toadying and sycophantry.


The term gains importance due to it's near-obsessive presence in Addisson's youthful novella How Goes. In it, he queries:

" ... if I'm dangerous with a knife and my pal Eric is dangerous with a gun. Tom here can kill you with a remote. We're all fucking danger incarnate. Nothing but angry cocks and hawking condoms, pushing a tighter pipe fitting, America's greatest poetry -- how is it that a honeybee gently floating keeps Us at a Bay? We've pulled out, here. It's touched on all our faces, each window the flit of a wing, the trash of our lives gaining in sound like an angry hive, arriving finally at the corner lot--where, apparently, someone had been waiting."


"It's quite a good show -- if you can see past the queens and honeybees." --Steven Adkins, mid-flex. See Also

  • Clampers
  • Tampa

Hot dog

hot dog, frankfurter, weiner n. 1. A tube of meat scraps most often used as a delicious snack, inspired by the sausage; myogenic niblet. 2. Used as an expression of delight or enthusiasm: "Hot dog we're rockin' now!"


The hot dog has recently been used in contests celebrating the ability to stuff as many of the things into one's stomach as possible in the allotted time of one (1) minute.

The Japanese seem uncannily adept at this ritual game. Stimso Adid has proposed its inclusion in the Olympics to the International Olympic Committee upon at least three occasions, the last of which caused him to be investigated by the US Secret Service for an eloquent passage which compared the ritual to "stuffing lit sticks of dynamite up the President's ass."

See also

  • Dog Pile
  • Glasspants
  • The Worship of Dongs

Human hand

human hand util. 1. A tool-making object composed of five digits, attached to the ass end of human arms, usually present in pairs and not to be confused with God. 2. The apparent mark of intelligent activity. 3. The mechanism of all neurological change, speaking-wise. 4. A masturbatory device. 5. The innards of a glove.


…his lower lip swollen beneath a twisted, bleeding nose; his eyes puffy and glazed, head nodding like a strung up balloon; his opponent, yelping with pleasure, fists leaping out…

  • eating
  • manipulating small objects
  • drawing
  • picking nose
  • etc.

Non-Canonical Text

A belly-whale whose head is fabricated of schoolyards and dirt-clods.

See Also

  • Ablation
  • Counterfeiting gang


hunimal (humanimal) n. 1. Coined, probably, by esteemed revisionist historian Michael Hoffman II, the hunimal is a hybrid composed of both animal and humans parts; a chimera. 2. A tautology constructed in the pejorative and considered profoundly offensive to the religious -- particularly to Tridentine Catholics, Protestants, Hindus, Sikhs, ill-tempered Buddhists, Druze, and conservative Muslims. Humanists, Athiests, Jews and Illuminists seem down with it.


The most famous hunimal is no doubt the Minotaur, whose ferocious half-bull aspect kicked ass.


"What do you get when a Jew has a Gentile's baby? A filthy hunimal." - Maimonides, radical Semite and anti-aryan activist.

"Is not the hunimal the very definition of Monstrous Science?" - Dr. Joseph Peter Whiteman, 1995 sermon.

Non-Canonical Text

"…wild animals full of monkey antics, ugly in temper and hard to manage…no orang-outang could climb a tree with more agility than they displayed. If you examine their little fingers you will find that conformation such as to afford them astonishing prehensile power, enabling them to grip an object and retain their hold. Either of them can lift his entire body by his little finger, and so swing to and fro, in the manner of a Borneo gorilla" -– A "geek pamphlet" (c. 1878) describing a the Wild Men of Borneo, a pair of traveling gaffed freaks (Bogdan 1990).

see also

  • human
  • chimp


hurricane n. 1. A cleansing device manifested through the agent of a tropical cyclone, with manifestly dangerous winds and the redistribution of water. 2. A popular drink on Bourbon Street of (Old) New Orleans. 3. A boxer framed for murder in the '60s (Rubin "Hurricane" Carter).


"One suspects the Hurricane will not be served in New Orleans again; at least not without a certain sense of irony, though that good old fashion fatalistic hedonism may someday take hold again...." -- Wolf Blitzer, trying to be cute while discussing Pat O'Brien's, a New Orleans bar that specialized in a drink name the Hurricane.

See Also

  • Argy Boy
  • Eye
  • Mithra
  • Ritual Murder