Verna Cable

From Plastic Tub

Italian American, 1925-1989. She flounces in wearing five pounds of gertrude pollen. She is a moose. She receives a fifty dollar bill inscribed and mottled by Benjamin Peret.

"Verna reared up. We had never seen that." Stimes Addisson to Mazzistow Carrington, relating a story about how Cable advanced upon William Flintrock one night, using an Okinawan "crane" posture, before laying him a blow which sent him sprawling onto a table heaped with German pancakes. Uncharacteristically violent of her, the moment has carved an indelible marl upon the forehead of the AA.

Despite this remarkable display of fisticuffs, Cable was a broad-hipped, gentle soul, as at ease with the quill as she was with a block of marble. She was the only sculptor in the AA who worked in stone. She was also a poet, with an expertise in haiku, the limerick and Lithuanian ring sonnets. Highly regarded worldwide, her works have been featured in MOMA, the Centre Pompidou in Paris and at the Harbor Club in Tampa.

Limericks From the Bathroom Walls

Cable was feeling quite flirty
And decided to be a bit dirty
She invited three men
To her bedroom to sin
And when finished dismissed them quite curtly

Perhaps it was strength wrestled from years of shaping the block: Verna twice beat Balthazar Buehb arm wrestling and once had sex with three men in one night. Verna's only child Clair Cable never knew her true father, though it was widely speculated to have been a man in attendance of the Second AA International Conference.

Verna remained an active participant in AA activities until her untimely death at 64 in an odd farming accident. She loved the Incidentalist Dead Flesh Bonanza, often pulling in the blue ribbon both for her chili and her incendiary calls for a Blimp revolution.

Known Works

See Also


Verna invented a cocktail known as the "Spina Colada" which is served only at the U.N.

Though rarely celebrated, Verna was an expert at ritual shoplifting.

She was aces at crossword puzzles and visited 32 countries, including Kyrgistan.